Parenting 101: How to Connect with Your Teen

Raising a toddler requires patience, but attending to a teen requires utmost patience and understanding. Teens naturally undergo a phase of exploration, a period of intense growth where they commit “errors” as they figure out their own identity. During this stage, most teens prefer to keep their issues to themselves rather than share details with their parents. This is when things can get challenging for both parties.

Parents often get alarmed with dismissive behaviors, thinking that it is a form of rebellion. Parents also try to over compensate and assert their influence as they understandably wish not to tolerate such behavior. What should be understood is that this is the stage where teens need support and guidance the most. As a parent, this may mean trying to have a simple conversation with them, having family time, or listening to their frustrations. Doing these will allow parents to build a supportive environment for their teen, even though the natural reaction by many is to enforce stricter rules. According to Michael Canzian, the next time this happens, try to apply some of these simple ways to connect with their teen. He shares what worked for him in building a bond with his two teen children.

Give them space

Giving them space may feel like tolerating the behavior, however, this is not necessarily the case. Most teens value their privacy and don’t always intend for their reactive behaviors to hurt or attack their parents. They would rather have the time to sort their own thoughts and pace their own emotions. Once they feel like their parents trust them enough to reveal their problems or emotions, they are more willing to confide and share.

Giving them space may be done by respecting their choices, allowing them to make their own decisions, communicating with them like a grown-up, not bombarding them with questions, and not taking things personally. The challenge is to guide their decisions based on experience, but allow them to make mistakes or even fail at the appropriate time.

Guide, not dictate

Dictating or lecturing teens will only drive them away further. They are already dealing with their own problems, hence, adding to that will only alleviate their frustrations. This is also the stage where they are sensitive to and observant of their parents’ actions. As parents, it may feel like being taken advantage of or allowing them to disrespect adults, but in the same way, they simply want to have power over their own emotions.

Guiding teens may be done by being a good example, showing love, making appropriate rules, setting proper expectations, seeing things from their perspective, and respecting their privacy. This also means avoiding actions such as having a sarcastic or demeaning tone, overreacting to every mistake or shortcoming, showing offensive or defensive body language, and provoking a fight.

Share their interests

Taking notice of their interests is crucial. By recognizing their hobbies, parents should have an idea of their abilities and preferences. Most teens enjoy trying out different activities given that they are still learning about themselves and the things they enjoy (or not) in life. They are full of potential-there are activities they are naturally good at and abilities that they can hone more.

Being involved in the interests of teens means supporting them while engaging with them in those activities. Simple actions such as listening to them talk about their favorites things to do, reading the stories they share online, watching movies with them, and being supportive of their performances or competitions. All of these approaches can go a long way in building a deeper connection with teens while also benefiting the relationship by having something in common and to converse about.

Do something together

Aside from sharing their interests, doing something together like buying groceries, doing household chores, cooking, shopping, and working out are also great ways to instill that bond. While teens are often occupied with their own pursuits, they still appreciate the efforts that parents show in order to get them moving — even if it is not apparent. This also makes them feel more responsible while recognizing that they are respected as an individual capable of major tasks.

Have family meals

Eating together as a family is an excellent way to come together and share the events of the days as a family. Delicious food can make anyone feel better. Teens may also begin to appreciate the breadth of cuisine and the importance of healthier choices, which is not to say enjoy sweet treats is not permitted. Family meals can be a time when priceless yet simple moments are being created. This is also the time where families can focus on each other without distractions from work, school, or social media.

Setting family meals are best achieved by creating a weekly schedule to include meals together- homecooked or takeout. Parents should ask their teens what their plans are for the day and week so that they can plan not only meals together, but even menus. Encourage teens to eat at the table instead of in their bedroom so that they establish that behavior for the future. Invite them to the table so that they understand that their presence is valued.

Michael Canzian does his best to do these things with his teens. He most especially loves cooking and eating together as a family. This allows him to teach his kids the array of palate choices along with the value of cooking while sharing Italian family traditions and customs. Pawley’s Island in South Carolina is also a home away from home. Michael’s family recognize this as their opportunity for quality time together where they get to relax and enjoy various activities together. He was able to build a healthy relationship with his kids by being a good role model and guiding his kids while giving them the space to grow in responsibility and character. Canzian pours most of his efforts into his family and always ensures that they are the top priority despite his busy schedule.

Originally published at http://michaelcanzian.wordpress.com on October 13, 2021.